Why Are Boundaries So Hard?

If setting boundaries makes you feel guilty, anxious, selfish, or like you’ve just committed a minor offence by saying “No, I can’t do that,” you are not alone.

For many neurodivergent adults—especially people with late-diagnosed ADHD, late-diagnosed autism, or a lifetime of trying to fit into a world that wasn’t designed for their nervous system—people pleasing wasn’t just about being nice. It may have been a survival strategy.

When you’ve spent years paying close attention to what everyone else needs, expects, wants, or might possibly be upset about, you can become remarkably good at reading other people and remarkably disconnected from yourself.

And there’s the problem:

You can’t really know your boundaries until you know what you need.